The Adventures of Squally In Laguna Land
by Imperfect Perfections
Summary: Just how much does Squall love surprise visits? Absolute zero. So when Laguna decides to drop in, Squall finds himself making some hardcore decisions.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Final Fantasy Eight don't belong to me. The characters aren't mine. I'm just writing about them.**

There was just something about Laguna talking on the phone that sent chills down his spine; and not the good kind of chills either. Visions of bubble gum chewing valley girls lying on their stomachs while kicking their legs back and forth filled his mind. Images of teenage girls twirling their hair while babbling about some cute boy in class tormented him.

Mind you, Laguna probably would not be chattering about cute boys. Or maybe he would. When it came to his father, Squall had no idea what went on in the man's mind. If one could call Laguna a man, half the time he was acting like a hyperactive child.

So when Quistis walked through the door of his office with said father, along with Father's friends, he felt the sudden urge to commit suicide. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy seeing his father, it was just, Laguna could be a bit too eccentric at times.

"Squall! I missed you so much!"

Squall was not sure how Laguna managed to get to the other side of the desk so quickly. Maybe the man had dove over it? Laguna was nothing more than a Hawaiian shirt wearing blur, which began hugging him as tightly as he could.

"Yes. I missed you too," Squall said in his usual monotone voice. Kiros gave him an apologetic shrug. Ward only looked the other way. Both them were completely useless when it came to getting Laguna under control.

Laguna was still hugging him, and it seemed like he was trying to kiss him too. "Fa--" Squall's voice died before he could say the whole word. He was still not used to using the F word. "Laguna will you-- Get off!"

Squall's use of the English language failed him once again as he relied on his body to express his feelings. Was it really that surprising that he chose to shove his father away? With all the other things he did such as backhanding (or at least trying to) Rinoa, having sudden outburst, or going into hour-long monologues, this was not such an unusual sight to see.

Of course as always, Laguna took this with a heart of gold, picking himself up off the ground. He had such a strong son! He was so proud. The little sparkles and hearts floating around him expressed the true extent of his happiness.

"Sorry Squall. It's just been so long since I've seen you. You never call. You never write. It's like you don't want--"

"You just saw me two days ago!" Squall growled, sitting back down in his seat.

/_Why is he always showing up like this? Doesn't he have his own country to run? Just who the hell runs Esthar when all three of them are out like this? Why, why didn't Rinoa iron my shirt this morning? Is she beginning to hate me? Everyone hates me. I can't... I can't let this go on this way... Wait, why am I having conversations with myself? I don't know. Wait, did I just answer myself? I--_/

"But that was over the phone. There's a huge difference" Laguna whined. It was strange to see a forty-something-year-old man whine, but here Laguna was whining away like a little kid.

Squall was pissed that his inner monologue had been interrupted. It had been a good monologue too. It had the markings of a legendary monologue. Now thanks to Laguna he had forgotten just what it was he had been thinking about.

"Laguna please" Squall said, rubbing the scar on his forehead. "I have a lot of work to do. Can't we have this meeting some other time?"

Laguna pouted, wringing his hands together as tears gathered in his eyes. "Do I have to leave?" he asked.

Squall was just getting ready to answer that question with a loudly proclaimed "Yes", when the door to his office came flying open.

"Get the hell out of my way you ass!"

"Well excuse me for not being puny, chicken-wuss!"

Two blondes pushed and shoved through the door, only to end up tumbling onto the floor. They wrestled for the top, or at least it seemed that way. Squall had never seen two men in such compromising positions. He was sure Rinoa would have enjoyed the sight. No wait, anything that was not focused on her did not please her.

Ward and Kiros managed to step out of the way of the rolling pile of blondes. Laguna was not that lucky. He was swept into the piles, becoming entangled in the mess of short and long limbs.

"Enough! Get off the floor. You're behaving like children" Quistis, the only one with a functioning brain, ordered from where she stood in the corner.

The boys behaved, shooting piercing glares at each other, as they climbed to their feet. Even Laguna slowly climbed to his feet, a sheepish look on his face as he relied on the support of the taller blonde.

"Squall, this bastard compromised the mission!" Zell said, and like a dog to his master, he came and stood as close to Squall as was humanly possible.

"Saving your scrawny ass is what compromised the mission in the first place, Chickenwuss!" Seifer shot back.

The taller teen would have probably said more, but then he realized just who it was that leaning against him. If he had been born with an affliction that only arouse during nervousness, it would have been afflicting him now. His face became red as he realized that this was _the_ Sorceress's knight. The /original/ Sorceress's knight.

Those who knew Seifer, also knew the teen's obsession with the Sorceress's Knight movie. Squall knew. Quistis knew. Both remembered the blonde begging Matron to watch it over and over again. Squall only watched the movie because Seifer watched it. Now he wanted nothing to do with the movie. His father starred in that movie.

It was then that Squall was struck with a very devilish plan.

"Seifer, would you do me a favor?" Squall asked, smiling sweetly. Well, as sweetly as a taciturn emo kid could manage to do.

Seifer looked suspicious. Anyone with half a brain would be. A smiling Squall was a Squall who had either taken too many blows to the head, or he was thinking of something devious.

"Why would I do you a favor? You're still on the list," Seifer reminded him.

"The list? I thought I was taken off the after, well you know, shocking the living shit out of me."

"I didn't do that. The guard did."

"Well you ordered it!"

"There's a difference Leonhart" Seifer shot back.

Squall slammed his fist down on the desk, wincing afterwards. That hurt worse than he thought it would.

"Whatever" Squall muttered, rolling his eyes. "My Fa-- Laguna is going to be staying here for a while and I was wondering if you'd take him out."

Seifer's eyes narrowed. Despite the super-happy-fun-time dance that was going on in his inner mind, he still had to portray his badass persona.

"You...So you want me to take your dad out on a date?"

"Don't think of it as a date. Think of it as a life changing experience. Hyne knows you need it" Squall said.

Seifer's eyes narrowed further, even as he snaked an arm around an unsuspecting Laguna's waist. "I had better get a bonus for this."

Squall just rolled his eyes, again. "I'm sure you'll get a huge bonus later on tonight," he muttered, getting several weird glances from those around him, excluding Laguna, who was beginning to develop a leg cramp.

Seifer was not sure how much longer he would keep up his badass persona. Was it just his imagination or was Laguna leaning into him? His hand was resting on Laguna's hip and he swore the man shifted so that it grazed his ass. Dear god, what was this man doing to him?

"S-Sure" Seifer stammered out, pulling himself away so abruptly that Laguna nearly fell.

Grabbing the president's arm, Seifer was out of that office faster than you could yell "Hyne's ass!" Not that anyone would want to yell that out.

Squall sat back in his chair, a sinister smile on his face. Yes, the perfect way to get Laguna off his back would be to give him a new obsession. If he had a cat he would have been stroking it like a villain from a Bond movie.

"Um, Squall? Are you sure it's okay to let Laguna go off alone with him?" Zell asked.

"Get back to work. I'm not paying you to talk" Squall said, pushing Zell's head back down.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy 8 and the characters do not belong to me. I am just playing with them, I promise to put them back on the shelf once I am finished.

Warning: OoC-ness

This was not a date. Even if Laguna pressed as closely against his side as humanly possible, and chattering endlessly, about how great his bouncing baby boy Squall was; this was not a date.

A date was between two people in love. Seifer, most definitely was not in love with Laguna. How could he be? The man was twice his age. He was the father of his rival. He was the president of Esthar (not that it was something that should even matter, it just did). He was not even that attractive. Well, he did look cute in his little Hawaiian shirt and those sandals.

Wait, just where in the hell had that thought come from? Seifer pulled away suddenly, sending Laguna once again stumbling off balance. It would not look good for the president to return with bruise, so Seifer had to grab him to keep him from falling.

"Sorry, I'm so clumsy" Laguna apologized, scratching the back of his head.

Once again, Seifer questioned whether Laguna was Squall's real father. The two looked nothing alike. They were not alike in personality either. The only thing that even connected them was Raine, Laguna's wife and Squall's mother.

"It's alright," Seifer mumbled.

He was supposed to take Laguna somewhere to keep him out of Squall's hair. So, just how had they ended up walking around the endless circle that was Balamb Garden? Who knows? Seifer was too busy watching Laguna's lips as the man talked to pay attention to his surroundings.

"Hey, talk some more about the Sorceress's Knight movie."

Laguna blinked, he had just been in the middle of telling the story about how he first met Squall. He was surprised that anyone was a fan of the movie, and shuddered as he reminded what had happened during the productions.

"Well, let me start by saying that was a real dragon. A really, big ass dragon" Laguna started.

xxx

"So it was a success?" 

"He's asleep, if that's what you're trying to ask."

"Excellent."

Seifer was not sure whether to be amused or afraid. Squall had always been a little weird, but never this morbid. Just when did Squall start wearing glasses; and how the hell did he manage to make them glare over like that? Was that even possible to do outside of—

"You've been watching that damn show again, haven't you?" Seifer asked suspiciously.

Squall's clasped hands covered the lower half of his face. "What would make you think that?"

Seifer made an exasperated little sound. "For the love of Hyne and chocobos, Leonhart! How many times do we have to tell you that show is not cool? A bunch of retarded mechas do not make a good show."

"They aren't mechas. You just don't like the show because you can not possibly comprehend the truth" Squall replied.

"The truth? It is a goddamn show that mixes Judeo-Christian myth with crappy anime story telling skills. "

"Get out."

Seifer did not need to Squall to tell him that. Sitting around discussing a stupid cartoon with Squall, who was on a brand new level of strange today, was not his ideal way of spending the rest of his night. He walked out of Squall's office, slamming the door behind him. Hopefully someday, Rinoa would realize that Squall needed serious help. The boy had issues. True love could only fix but so many problems.

xxx

"So you see, what I did was…"

Rounding the corner, a grin came to his face as he saw Zell talking to some girl. If he remembered correctly, she was the girl from Balamb.

"Well, well Chickenwuss, so this is where you've been hiding." Strolling up to the two, he threw a casual arm around Zell's shoulders. He could feel Zell's muscles become tight and wondered if he was planning to try to fight him. Not that he would mind, it had been a while since he had been in a good fight.

"Get the hell off of me," Zell said through gritted teeth, trying to shrug Seifer's arm off him.

The girl had some good sense, because she began to back away, before finally turning and running off at full speed. That had been Seifer's goal. With his goal fulfilled, he let go of Zell with a little push.

"Well now that I got that done with," Seifer said a satisfied smirk on his face as he started to walk off.

He barely dodged the first punch, and had to throw himself to the side just to avoid the second one. Zell was as agile as he thought the little punk would be.

"So you actually learned to stop shadow boxing and go after your real target. I'm proud of you," Seifer said.

"Hah! Big words coming from a guy whose ass I already kicked!" Zell said.

That floored Seifer, who was too distracted to avoid the lethal punch to the head. He went down quicker than a sack of potatoes.

"Holy shit, didn't think I'd actually knock him out" Zell muttered, before looking around to see if anyone had saw what happened, then took off.

xxx

"I don't think Seifer is gonna appreciate that, ya' know?"

"SHUT UP!"

"Fine, but you're gonna be the one explaining why his ass hurts, ya know?"

It smelled like cinnamon buns. Was he at some bakery? His vision was blurry for a second as he opened his eyes, staring at a familiar grey ceiling. On the ceiling, there was an armored clad man who, suspiciously enough looked like Laguna.

"What…Why does my ass hurt?" Seifer mumbled as he sat up on the small cot that he called a bed.

Raijin and Fujin were standing near his bedside. Raijin looked nervous and Fujin looked, well Fujin's expression never changed, so he could not tell how she looked.

"Well…we found you in the hall, ya' know?" Raijin started, before Fujin stamped on his foot.

"KICKED!"

It took Seifer a minute to decipher Fujin's speech pattern. Maybe getting her speech therapy as a Christmas present would be better than the glitter heart eye-patch he was planning to get her.

"So you found me in the hall and decided to kick me in the ass to try and wake me up?"

"AFFIRMATIVE!"

Seifer wondered if she realized how crazy that sounded. What ever happened to just pushing him or yelling his name out loud? What would kicking him in the ass accomplish?

"Okay" he mumbled, letting himself fall back against the bed. This had been a weird enough day, no need to go and make it even weirder by trying to analyze Fujin's behavior. It would be best to go to sleep and pretend that this day had never happened.

"Don't wake me unless hell has frozen over and Squall becomes the devil," Seifer mumbled as he pulled the covers up over his head.

Author's Note: I wrote this at two in the morning, with songs from Jesus Christ Superstar blasting in my ear, sorry if it wasn't as funny as the first. In addition, there will be some Seifer/Laguna in the next chapter, I promise.


End file.
